Obedience vs. Perfectionism  (107)

Introduction:

A. Perfectionism is defined by Webster as the doctrine that the perfection of moral character constitutes man's highest good; The theological doctrine that a state of freedom from sin is attainable on earth. A disposition to regard anything short of perfection unacceptable.

B. Three lies we tell ourselves keep our emotions upset: I WANT US TO UNDERSTAND THE TRUTH ABOUT THE LIES WE BELIEVE.

1. "I must be perfect." Perfectionists fear they won't accomplish anything if they don't keep sky-high standards. They'll be branded failures, and failing in our society is an unforgivable sin.

2. "I must have everyone's love and approval." Some people aren't going to like us or what we do, no matter how hard we try.

3. "I can't be happy unless things go my way." The "my way" life leads to ulcers, migraines and a lot of unhappiness.

I. I MUST BE PERFECT.

A. "I must be perfect." Perfectionists fear they won't accomplish anything if they don't keep sky-high standards. They'll be branded failures, and failing is our society's unforgivable sin. Christian faith too often triggers guilt about ourselves rather than a strong self-image as one of God's created beings.

B. We mistakenly expect perfection.

1. "I feel sorry for the believer who has not something in his life that he wishes were not there." --Oswald Chambers (quoted in Church Disciple, Wint 1994)

2. "People have a tendency to take life and themselves too seriously. We expect our kids to be perfect and our wives to be straight out of Proverbs 31. We need to remind ourselves that God doesn't expect perfection--He expects faithfulness, loyalty, and obedience. And He expects us to love, regardless of our feelings and unfulfilled expectations." --Frank Martin (in Discipleship Journal, Jan/Feb 1994)

3. A speaker ask his audience, "Does anyone here know one person who is perfect?" One man stood and said, "I do, my wife's first husband."

C. We cannot achieve perfection. There used to be a game played by the children in England called "Saints and Sinners." A hoop was erected at a measured distance and the contestants were given 10 arrows each. The object was to aim them at the hoop. If anyone shot ALL the arrows through the hoop, he was acclaimed a SAINT. But if he missed just ONE, he was designated a SINNER. If he missed with all 10 arrows, he was no greater "sinner" than if he missed with only one! One error was as bad as 10! That was the rule of the game. The same is true of sinners today.

Romans 3:23

Matt 11:28 28 Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light. (KJV)

D. God asks for holiness, but holiness is not perfection.

1 Peter 1:13-15 13 Wherefore gird up the loins of your mind, be sober, and hope to the end for the grace that is to be brought unto you at the revelation of Jesus Christ; 14 As obedient children, not fashioning yourselves according to the former lusts in your ignorance: 15 But as he which hath called you is holy, so be ye holy in all manner of conversation; (KJV)

Matt 5:44 44 But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you; 45 That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust. (KJV)

Matt 5:48 Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect. (KJV)

Strong's # 5046 teleios (tel'-i-os); from 5056; complete (in various applications of labor, growth, mental and moral character, etc.); neuter (as noun, with 3588) completeness: KJV-- of full age, man, perfect. (DIC)

E. God knows we cannot achieve perfection.

Psa 103:13-14 13 Like as a father pitieth his children, so the LORD pitieth them that fear him. 14 For he knoweth our frame; he remembereth that we are dust. (KJV)

1. God offers perfection in Jesus. Paul says, "For he hath made him to be sin for us, who knew no sin; that we might be made the righteousness of God in him." (2 Cor. 5:21)

2. Both God and we accept us as imperfect but do not accept the imperfections.

F. If we are not careful we are likely to confuse sin with our own rules. We will make our own rules and lower standards, or rationalize that it doesn't matter how we live. "Oh, perfect me" by Jim Long. Campus Life, May/Jun 1989. Pages 17-19.

G. Have you ever been in a situation where you were so intimidated by task you were trying to do that you refused to do the task. I remember when I first started working with computers. I was so afraid that I wouldn't do it right. I think I had in mind that if I didn't do it right that the computer might explode. I was so afraid that I would do something wrong that I was afraid to use it. The most comforting thing I heard during at that time was, "You can't tear it up by learning how to use it. Well I proved that theory wrong! But fear of not being able to perform the task right, kept me from learning. I finally learned that if I didn't do everything perfect that the thing wasn't going to explode. I failed to realize that even if I did it wrong there was usually a way to correct it. And if there weren't, it wouldn't be the end of the world.

We desperately need to learn the difference between excellence and perfection, between perfection and obedience.

Heb 5:8-9 8 Though he were a Son, yet learned he obedience by the things which he suffered; 9 And being made perfect, he became the author of eternal salvation unto all them that obey him; (KJV)

II. "I MUST HAVE EVERYONE'S LOVE AND APPROVAL."

A. "I must have everyone's love and approval." Some people aren't going to like us or what we do, no matter how hard we try. As long as your life and work are pleasing to God, what else matters.

2 Tim 1:12 For the which cause I also suffer these things: nevertheless I am not ashamed: for I know whom I have believed, and am persuaded that he is able to keep that which I have committed unto him against that day. (KJV)

B. Perfectionist look for something wrong, and they always find it. This makes many self-conscious and afraid of criticism.

C. Perfectionists live in a fantasy land in which they constantly compare themselves to others. We are intimidated when we see others perform the same task better than we are able to perform it. Make choices based on feelings rather than reason. They are constantly afraid they are going to do something wrong. The one talent man said, " I was afraid, so I went and buried my talent."

1. Have you ever worn a suit or a dress that you didn't feel right in, but you received many sincere complements about. But you could never bring yourself around to feeling right while wearing it. That's the way we are concerning our lives. We have preached against a religion that's better felt than told, but we continue to practice a religion based on feeling. I don't feel right about that. Why? I don't know, but I just don't feel right about it. There may be many things we don't feel right about that we need to be doing. Pay attention to the things your mind tells you. It may be truth or a lie or a mixture. Take note of your emotional reaction. We shouldn't approach challenges in a negative, self-defeating manner. Those who pursue excellence are honest with themselves and others. Focus on your positive characteristics; discover your gifts and put them to use; don't worry about what others think; develop a spiritual life.

2. Musician Ken Medema was born blind, but his parents determined to treat him as a normal child. They taught him to play games, ride a bike, and water-ski. They weren't denying his condition; they were affirming his worth as a person. Growing up with that kind of love, Ken developed an inner wholeness that almost made him forget his disability. One day on campus, he accidentally bumped into another blind student who said, "Hey, watch it! Don't you know I'm blind?" Instead of mentioning his own handicap, Ken apologized. "I'm sorry. I didn't see you."

3. As Christians, we too bump into tough situations in which our weaknesses are revealed. Unlike Ken, however, we often react immaturely and use our weaknesses as an excuse. "After all, I'm not perfect," we argue.

III. Things Must Go My Way

A. "I can't be happy unless things go my way." The "my way" life leads to ulcers, migraines and a lot of unhappiness.   In order for things to "go my way" we usually set up a system where we can control everything. People find it difficult to follow controllers. There may be compliance, but the difference between a compliant follower and a committed one is vast." We may try to dominate by being overbearing. These types of people are poor listeners. Criticism of opposition makes them become very defensive.

B. Another thing we might try to do is manipulate from behind the scenes. These people are subtler. They quietly maneuver behind the scenes to get their way. They may use childish behaviors like pouting to create sympathy for their views. Regulators put a lot of effort into making rules and enforcing them. Perfectionists (like the Pharisees) often adopt this approach. Handing down decisions for others without allowing them to have input stunts the growth of those for whom you made the decision. The Pharisees went to great extremes to attain this state.

Mt 23:1-8 1 Then Jesus said to the crowds and to his disciples: 2 "The teachers of the law and the Pharisees sit in Moses' seat. 3 So you must obey them and do everything they tell you. But do not do what they do, for they do not practice what they preach. 4 They tie up heavy loads and put them on men's shoulders, but they themselves are not willing to lift a finger to move them. 5 "Everything they do is done for men to see: They make their phylacteries wide and the tassels on their garments long; 6 they love the place of honor at banquets and the most important seats in the synagogues; 7 they love to be greeted in the marketplaces and to have men call them `Rabbi.' 8 "But you are not to be called `Rabbi,' for you have only one Master and you are all brothers. (NIV)

C. Customs became more important than mercy.

Matt 23:23 Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for ye pay tithe of mint and anise and cummin, and have omitted the weightier matters of the law, judgment, mercy, and faith: these ought ye to have done, and not to leave the other undone. (KJV)

Gal 6:13 For neither they themselves who are circumcised keep the law; but desire to have you circumcised, that they may glory in your flesh.

D. The Pharisees had set sky-high standards for themselves. They were afraid that God would not accept them if they failed to meet these sky-high standards.

1. Yet when Jesus came he said: "These people honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me. 9 They worship me in vain; their teachings are but rules taught by men." (Mt 15:8-9 8) They began to take pride in themselves and robbed God of his glory.

Mt 23:5-8 5 "Everything they do is done for men to see: They make their phylacteries wide and the tassels on their garments long; 6 they love the place of honor at banquets and the most important seats in the synagogues; 7 they love to be greeted in the marketplaces and to have men call them `Rabbi.' 8 "But you are not to be called `Rabbi,' for you have only one Master and you are all brothers. (NIV)

E. It's much better to lead by principle (truths, ideas, axioms) than by precept (rules, regulations, manipulation). We need to strive to be people oriented. Take an interest in the feeling and concerns of others. When we push hard for change in another person, we are likely to have poor results.

There was a woman who was going to marry a man. She said, "After I marry him he is going to have to change." Of Course the results were disastrous.

Conclusion:

Establish a healthy relationship with God.

In the rough, a diamond looks like a common pebble, but after it is cut, its hidden beauty begins to emerge. Even then, the stone must undergo a finishing process to bring out its full radiance. This is accomplished by a skilled craftsman who holds the gem against the surface of a large grinding wheel. This process may take a long time, depending on the quality desired by the one who will wear it. If the diamond is being prepared for a king or for some other prominent person, great care and many hours are spent perfecting it.

What a picture of the way God works with us! The procedure is not pleasant, nor is it intended to be. The Divine Workman, however, has our final glory in view.