The Silence of Man
David HimesTradition has always taught, and I had always assumed that Eve was alone when she was deceived and ate the fruit. I believed she went in search of Adam and gave him some to eat. But let me point out that Adam was right there with Eve during the conversation with the serpent.
Genesis 3:6 says,
When the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was a delight to the eyes and that the tree was desirable to make one wise, she took from its fruit and ate; and she gave also to her husband with her, and he ate.Wow! Adam was with her! We always talk about how Eve was deceived, (In fact we can read that in 1 Tim 2:14.) And I think that deep down, we sort of blame Eve for getting us all in this mess in the first place, even though we know technically that Adam was responsible.But what if Adam was standing right there the whole time that Eve was talking to the serpent? I think this sheds new light on just how responsible Adam was for what happened. What does this say to us about not doing anything when we are not sure exactly what we should do or say? It sure makes inactivity look more sinful to me
If Adam was there, then why didn’t he say something? Why didn’t he tell the serpent to get lost? Why didn’t he correct Eve when she misquoted the command not to eat of the tree? Why didn’t he suggest they go somewhere else to talk about the situation? Why didn’t he stop Eve when she reached for the fruit?
How many times in your life have you seen someone about to do wrong, maybe by mistake, or maybe out of ignorance, and did nothing. Why? If you are like most of us, 1) you don’t want to get involved, 2) you don’t want to embarrass that person (or yourself), 3) you don’t want to hurt their feelings, 4) it isn’t your responsibility to correct them. To sin is wrong, no matter what the reason. To keep silent on sin is also wrong. We should feel that we have a responsibility to prevent people from sinning. If we do nothing, then we are condoning that action. But, we should correct them in a loving manner. A manner that shows we care, rather than one that condemns. This takes an ability that few have mastered. It takes a person who hates sin, loves people, and has the backbone to stand for what is right.The Sin of Silence
In the case of Adam, Adam knew what was wrong, God had told him directly. He knew what Eve was about to do before she even did it. He did nothing to prevent the sinful act. He did not encourage her to do the right thing. He did nothing. Therefore, Adam was just as wrong as Eve even if he had not eaten of the fruit (which he did). Adam lacked the conviction to do what was right. Adam may have lost a rib to Eve, but he lacked a backbone too!
Man’s Natural Tendency Is To Be Silent
If Adam were the only man in the Bible who was silent, then perhaps one could say that this conclusion is doubtful. But, there are several other examples in the Bible of men who were silent. Let’s look at them and see where it got them.Everyone probably knows of God’s promise to Abraham (Gen. 15)—that he would have a son and be the father of a multitude, through whom God would bless the world. After ten years, and no children, Sarah comes to Abraham and says, take my slave, Hagar, and have children with her so that God’s promise can come true. What did Abraham say to that? - Nothing. Gen. 16:2 says He listened to the voice of Sarah.The Example of Abraham
Then later after Hagar has Ishmael, Sarah is jealous and Abraham tells her to do what she wants to her slave. And he lets her treat Hagar harshly. So, Abraham was silent and did what Sarah said. What was the result? - The Arab/Israeli conflict that still rages today.
We know from 2 Peter 2:7f that Lot was a righteous man, but you would never know it from the Genesis account. He stayed in Sodom and Gomorrah and was silent about the evil around him. When he offered his two daughters to a crowd of men to protect God’s messengers, that was not the action of a strong man. At the end of that account, when they are fleeing the city, and Lot’s wife looks back at Sodom and turns into a pillar of salt, it becomes obvious who wanted to live in Sodom and Gomorrah and who was in really running the family. If Lot was tormented in his soul by the evil around him (2 Pet 2:8), then why didn’t he leave? - Because his wife didn’t want to leave. Lot remained silent and passive.The Example of Lot
Some time later Lot’s daughters commit incest with Lot while he is drunk and they get pregnant. So, we see further damage result from Lot’s silent passive life.
We don’t have to read much further in Genesis before we come to the next silent man -- Isaac. He was a very passive man. If you read through Genesis, you see that he didn’t do anything right except allow his father to almost sacrifice him.The Example of Isaac
Isaac knew the prophecy of God that his older son, Esau, would serve the younger son, Jacob (Gen. 25:23), but he preferred Esau who appeared to be a strong, manly man always out hunting (ver 28). And at the end of his life, he was going to go ahead and bless Esau in spite of the prophecy. Why? I think it was easier to go along with the tradition of blessing the oldest son than to trust God and bless Jacob. Why? Perhaps he was afraid of Esau’s reaction? After all, Esau was the hunter. Perhaps he was afraid of what others might say when they found out. Because he was afraid to act, his wife tried to take over and handle the problem. It backfired and the family was split up and Isaac and Rebekah never saw Jacob again.
The Example of RuebenIn Gen. 37, we have the story of how Joseph’s brothers plotted to kill him. Rueben tried to rescue Joseph from their hands. He knew that killing Joseph was wrong, but his solution was equally wrong. They sold him into slavery and told their father that he had been killed. Rueben, the eldest brother could have stopped this, but chose not to.They saw their father tear his clothes, put on sackcloth and mourned for his son. Later (Gen. 42) we learn that they repented of their actions and believed that the terrible things that had beset the family were a result of their actions toward Joseph and the lie they told their father.
Here we have five examples of men who were silent. In each situation the result was much harm to others. We might say the result was chaos. When God spoke, He made order out of chaos. When man fails to act in God’s image, and speak, the result is more chaos. It is very important to recognize that chaos brings the severing of relationship. How is my silence going to affect my relationship with others? The Bible shows that it will definitely destroy them.
So, man’s natural tendency is to be silent. But what we’ve seen so far ought to do away with the description of a man as "The Strong Silent Type." When you understand these principles, it makes you want to change it to "The Weak Silent Type."Adam’s silence destroyed his relationship with God and his wife. Abraham’s silence resulted in the Arab/Israeli conflict. Lot’s relationship with his daughters and his wife was not good. Isaac had almost no relationship with his wife or son, Jacob. This is obvious when you read the story of Isaac’s deception at the blessing. Isaac never talks to Rebekah. He never talks to Jacob (except when he thinks Jacob is Esau). Rebekah never talks to Esau. And Jacob never talks to Esau. You see a family divided right down the middle. Rueben lied to his father concerning the death of Joseph. This brought torment to the family. Basic Types of Men
The needy man knows that he needs others to take care of his needs for him to be happy, but his is a distorted view of relationships. What he wants is for others to come through for him and to meet his needs. He is actually looking for happiness in people and not from God.The Needy Man
What this man needs to do is see his selfish attitude—see his evil—and repent. But the needy man doesn’t see it.
King Saul is a good example. He had a need for respect. When he failed to kill all the Amalekites and their animals as God had commanded (he left the king and the cattle and sheep alive) and was caught by Samuel, he starts scrambling and says that they saved them for sacrificing to God. When Samuel says it is better to obey than to sacrifice, Saul says, I have sinned, but then immediately asks Samuel to return with him to the capitol city and stand beside him in public worship. When Samuel turns to leave, Saul grabs Samuel’s robe and it tears. Then Samuel says that the tearing of his robe is an illustration that God is going to tear the kingdom away from Saul. Saul again says, "I have sinned," but quickly adds, "but please honor me now before the elders and the people of Israel..." He was more concerned with appearances and keeping the respect of the people than with his sin. 1Sam 15:13-30.
‘Shallow but stable’ describes this man. This is the "strong silent type". He rarely talks about personal struggles and tends to quickly "resolve" whatever relational tensions he can't avoid or dismiss. He focuses his energy on things he is good at and is unwilling, even for a moment, to entertain involving himself in something he is not good at—i.e. relationships. He wants to stay where he is comfortable.The Tough Man
Being tough doesn’t necessarily mean being mean or cruel. He doesn’t have to be abusive. He can be cordial all the time - and often is. He is nice, above reproach, just emotionally uninvolved. He has lots of acquaintances, but no close friends.
He just doesn't let himself feel anything. The needy man feels the pain, and is preoccupied with it. The tough man ignores it.
The godly man is sensitive, but it does not lead to self-preoccupation or complacency. He is hurt by broken relationships, but instead of demanding others to come through for him or running away, he uses the hurt to more sharply define and motivate him to move toward other relationships. He is willing to sacrifice his pleasure so that he can help others. He does not attempt to control others, but encourages them in their struggles with their loneliness and selfishness and pain. He’s been there through the struggles and has made it through to the other side—to God. He wants to help them find God too. A godly man isn’t made over night. It takes time to grow into such a man. It is no wonder that our leadership in the Church is to be by mature, godly men.The Godly Man
So, there are three styles of men - You can be a needy man, always pulling on others to meet your needs. Or you can be the tough man and ignore you feelings and the feelings of others and focus your energy on things you are good at. Or you can be a godly man and feel your pain and the pain of others, but use it to grow personally, and then use your growth to help others.
What is Necessary to Change Man’s Natural Tendency Is To Be Silent?
Man should be Godly. Being godly means being like God, so we needed to look at what God is like. In Gen. 1:2 we saw that God moved into darkness and chaos and created life and order by speaking. Since man is created in God’s image then man needs to be like God in his actions. Men need to move into darkness and chaos and create order and life. We do that by speaking and acting - by getting emotionally involved.But man’s natural tendency is to avoid conflict. Our natural tendency is to avoid messy situations. We saw five examples from Genesis of men who were silent, who avoided messy situations—Adam, Abraham, Lot, Isaac, and Rueben. In all of our examples, the men were presented by a situation that was chaotic or messy. Actually it was just real life. But they didn’t do anything. In every example, the result was more chaos and broken relationships.
When God spoke, He made order out of chaos. When man fails to act in God’s image, and speak, the result is more chaos. And it is very important to recognize that it brings the severing of relationships.
What Speaking Is Not
By now you’ve figured out that being silent is not good. Running away from relationships is not good. You’ve also probably made the corollary conclusion that this means we need to speak up.As is usually the case, when we learn what we shouldn’t be doing, we jump up and decide that we are going to fix the problem. But, we usually go to the opposite extreme. So, we need to understand what to watch out for. We need to understand what speaking is not.
You can talk a lot and never touch real issues. Maybe you talk about sports or about the weather all the time and never have any meaningful conversations. When we do this, we are still being silent about the important things, even though our mouths are wide open. Paul says in 1Cor 13:1 that when we speak without love, then we are a noisy gong and a clanging cymbal. Eph. 4:15f is also related where Paul talks about speaking the truth in love.Speaking is not just meaningless talking.
I say it again, because this time, I want to point out that for the purpose of our study, speaking involves actions, too. It involves both words and deeds. If you just say you are going to do something and never do it, then that is worthless. James talks about that in James 2. Speaking means getting involved. And I think I should stress that it means getting emotionally involved. When someone sees you excited about doing what is right, they want to get on the bandwagon too.Speaking is not just talking.
Speaking is not controlling a situation through shouting the loudest or shaming the other person into submission or obedience. That just turns a person inward and away from God. You will either deaden others into conformity or incite them to self-preserving rebellion. You can see this in your children. If this is how you relate, one child might be complacent and compliant and the other one always in trouble at school.Speaking is not domination
What I want to make clear is that I am not saying that men should start dominating every situation and relationship around them. I’m not saying that we need to be dogmatic and just tell our wives to shut up when they disagree with us. When you do that, you are not being a strong man. You are really just trying to take control (through your flesh) and force order on the situation and get others to back off so you don’t have to deal with the issue. You are hiding again as Adam did in the Garden.
All of these things are examples of what speaking is not. So what is speaking?
Speaking is saying or doing whatever is necessary to move myself toward another person and moving that other person and myself toward trusting God in the midst of chaos.
What Silence Looks Like: Some Modern Examples:
When you are in the middle of a conversation with someone and the topic turns towards something that you could easily use to ask the person about his or her personal beliefs, what do you do? Do you speak? Do you ask them? Or do you ignore the prompting of the Holy Spirit because you fear their response might be to reject you? What you need to do is go ahead and ask them the question and trust God for the results. You need to move into the darkness and speak. But too often, we are afraid and we are silent.Example 1
A husband and wife have different opinions about something. What does that mean? It that means is they each have different opinions. It doesn’t mean one is wrong and one is right. If a man is married to a woman who has strong opinions and convictions, then she may come across with the attitude that the husband is wrong whenever his opinion differs from hers. If the husband lives in an atmosphere where his opinion doesn’t matter, then he will feel that his opinion is wrong when it differs from his wife’s. If he follows his natural inclination to be silent, then he will just shut up and let his wife’s opinion dictate family policies. That is not leadership. I’m not saying that the husband needs to always go with his opinion because he’s the leader. I’m saying he need to evaluate both honestly and openly and then go with what he thinks is the best one for his family.Example 2
But what will happen if the husband stands up to his wife and says, "Honey, I don’t think we should do that. I think we should do this instead." She might follow his lead. She might also argue with him or get mad, or act hurt and avoid him. What if his decision turns out to be a bad one? Then she might say, "I told you so." Even if she doesn’t say it, she will certainly think it.
That is real life and it is chaos. That might describe why Lot went along with his wife’s wishes to live in Sodom and Gomorrah.
What do you say or do when confronted with a Christian Brother who wants to introduce a policy that you know may be harmful to the Church. It is a policy that although may not be unscriptural, but can easily cause spiritual chaos if not properly held in check. That member may be full of good intentions, but do you go along with him? If this policy has the potential of leading faithful members away from the truth, then we must proceed cautiously. To cause a single soul to divert from the teachings of the Bible, the teachings we hold so precious, we must have the courage and the backbone to say NO.Example 3
Some may say that by saying no, we may cause division within the Church. Truly this must be handled carefully. The reasons for saying no must be clearly communicated and not expressed in a domineering manner. The best solution is to get the member to see for himself the potential harm. No one wants to create chaos, but left when on its own, chaos will result.
That is the nature of chaos. Those kinds of situations make many men freeze up, remain silent, and run away to something they are good at, or they lash out in anger and try to force others to get with their program.
The Solution
I can’t give you any steps to follow. You just have to understand your tendencies and recognize when you are slipping into that mode and then turn to God and move forward. The solution is first to trust God, then try to be godly, and not accept the chaos.There is often truth contained in self-help books and organizations. But we put the cart before the horse. These books are actually contain a description of what a good relationship should look like more than they are a means of getting there.
It is the godly, manly man who, in the face of chaotic situations says, "I don’t know what to do God, but I think this is best for my family and I’m going to do it and trust you for the results.
The Woman’s Responsibility
Understand this struggle exists in men and in you.But this is the subject of another day.Understand the natural tendency to want to step in and take over (Gen. 3:16). Don’t try it, it will seem to work for a little while, but in the end, chaos will rule. (The message of Judges). Trust God and wait. That is the opposite of man’s responsibility, which is Trust God, and speak (act). Your responsibility is to trust God and be silent.