David Himes
Tradition has always taught, and I had always assumed that Eve was
alone when she was deceived and ate the fruit. I believed she went in search
of Adam and gave him some to eat. But let me point out that Adam was right
there with Eve during the conversation with the serpent.
Genesis 3:6 says,
When the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and
that it was a delight to the eyes and that the tree was desirable to make
one wise, she took from its fruit and ate; and she gave also to her husband
with her, and he ate.
Wow! Adam was with her! We always talk about
how Eve was deceived, (In fact we can read that in 1 Tim 2:14.) And I think
that deep down, we sort of blame Eve for getting us all in this mess in
the first place, even though we know technically that Adam was responsible.
But what if Adam was standing right there the whole
time that Eve was talking to the serpent? I think this sheds new light
on just how responsible Adam was for what happened. What does this say
to us about not doing anything when we are not sure exactly what we should
do or say? It sure makes inactivity look more sinful to me
If Adam was there, then why didn’t he say something?
Why didn’t he tell the serpent to get lost? Why didn’t he correct Eve when
she misquoted the command not to eat of the tree? Why didn’t he suggest
they go somewhere else to talk about the situation? Why didn’t he stop
Eve when she reached for the fruit?
The Sin of Silence
How many times in your life have you seen someone about
to do wrong, maybe by mistake, or maybe out of ignorance, and did nothing.
Why? If you are like most of us, 1) you don’t want to get involved, 2)
you don’t want to embarrass that person (or yourself), 3) you don’t want
to hurt their feelings, 4) it isn’t your responsibility to correct them.
To sin is wrong, no matter what the reason. To keep silent on sin is also
wrong. We should feel that we have a responsibility to prevent people from
sinning. If we do nothing, then we are condoning that action. But, we should
correct them in a loving manner. A manner that shows we care, rather than
one that condemns. This takes an ability that few have mastered. It takes
a person who hates sin, loves people, and has the backbone to stand for
what is right.
In the case of Adam, Adam knew what was wrong, God
had told him directly. He knew what Eve was about to do before she even
did it. He did nothing to prevent the sinful act. He did not encourage
her to do the right thing. He did nothing. Therefore, Adam was just as
wrong as Eve even if he had not eaten of the fruit (which he did). Adam
lacked the conviction to do what was right. Adam may have lost a rib to
Eve, but he lacked a backbone too!
Man’s Natural Tendency Is To Be Silent
If Adam were the only man in the Bible who was silent,
then perhaps one could say that this conclusion is doubtful. But, there
are several other examples in the Bible of men who were silent. Let’s look
at them and see where it got them.
The Example of Abraham
Everyone probably knows of God’s promise to Abraham
(Gen. 15)—that he would have a son and be the father of a multitude, through
whom God would bless the world. After ten years, and no children, Sarah
comes to Abraham and says, take my slave, Hagar, and have children with
her so that God’s promise can come true. What did Abraham say to that?
- Nothing. Gen. 16:2 says He listened to the voice of Sarah.
Then later after Hagar has Ishmael, Sarah is jealous
and Abraham tells her to do what she wants to her slave. And he lets her
treat Hagar harshly. So, Abraham was silent and did what Sarah said. What
was the result? - The Arab/Israeli conflict that still rages today.
The Example of Lot
We know from 2 Peter 2:7f that Lot was a righteous man,
but you would never know it from the Genesis account. He stayed in Sodom
and Gomorrah and was silent about the evil around him. When he offered
his two daughters to a crowd of men to protect God’s messengers, that was
not the action of a strong man. At the end of that account, when they are
fleeing the city, and Lot’s wife looks back at Sodom and turns into a pillar
of salt, it becomes obvious who wanted to live in Sodom and Gomorrah and
who was in really running the family. If Lot was tormented in his soul
by the evil around him (2 Pet 2:8), then why didn’t he leave? - Because
his wife didn’t want to leave. Lot remained silent and passive.
Some time later Lot’s daughters commit incest with
Lot while he is drunk and they get pregnant. So, we see further damage
result from Lot’s silent passive life.
The Example of Isaac
We don’t have to read much further in Genesis before
we come to the next silent man -- Isaac. He was a very passive man. If
you read through Genesis, you see that he didn’t do anything right except
allow his father to almost sacrifice him.
Isaac knew the prophecy of God that his older son,
Esau, would serve the younger son, Jacob (Gen. 25:23), but he preferred
Esau who appeared to be a strong, manly man always out hunting (ver 28).
And at the end of his life, he was going to go ahead and bless Esau in
spite of the prophecy. Why? I think it was easier to go along with the
tradition of blessing the oldest son than to trust God and bless Jacob.
Why? Perhaps he was afraid of Esau’s reaction? After all, Esau was the
hunter. Perhaps he was afraid of what others might say when they found
out. Because he was afraid to act, his wife tried to take over and handle
the problem. It backfired and the family was split up and Isaac and Rebekah
never saw Jacob again.
The Example of Rueben
In Gen. 37, we have the story of how Joseph’s brothers
plotted to kill him. Rueben tried to rescue Joseph from their hands. He
knew that killing Joseph was wrong, but his solution was equally wrong.
They sold him into slavery and told their father that he had been killed.
Rueben, the eldest brother could have stopped this, but chose not to.
They saw their father tear his clothes, put on sackcloth
and mourned for his son. Later (Gen. 42) we learn that they repented of
their actions and believed that the terrible things that had beset the
family were a result of their actions toward Joseph and the lie they told
their father.
Here we have five examples of men who were silent.
In each situation the result was much harm to others. We might say the
result was chaos. When God spoke, He made order out of chaos. When man
fails to act in God’s image, and speak, the result is more chaos. It is
very important to recognize that chaos brings the severing of relationship.
How is my silence going to affect my relationship with others? The Bible
shows that it will definitely destroy them.
Adam’s silence destroyed his relationship with God and
his wife.
Abraham’s silence resulted in the Arab/Israeli conflict.
Lot’s relationship with his daughters and his wife was
not good.
Isaac had almost no relationship with his wife or son,
Jacob. This is obvious when you read the story of Isaac’s deception at
the blessing. Isaac never talks to Rebekah. He never talks to Jacob (except
when he thinks Jacob is Esau). Rebekah never talks to Esau. And Jacob never
talks to Esau. You see a family divided right down the middle.
Rueben lied to his father concerning the death of Joseph.
This brought torment to the family.
So, man’s natural tendency is to be silent. But what
we’ve seen so far ought to do away with the description of a man as "The
Strong Silent Type." When you understand these principles, it makes you
want to change it to "The Weak Silent Type."
Basic Types of Men
The Needy Man
The needy man knows that he needs others to take care
of his needs for him to be happy, but his is a distorted view of relationships.
What he wants is for others to come through for him and to meet his needs.
He is actually looking for happiness in people and not from God.
What this man needs to do is see his selfish attitude—see
his evil—and repent. But the needy man doesn’t see it.
King Saul is a good example. He had a need for respect.
When he failed to kill all the Amalekites and their animals as God had
commanded (he left the king and the cattle and sheep alive) and was caught
by Samuel, he starts scrambling and says that they saved them for sacrificing
to God. When Samuel says it is better to obey than to sacrifice, Saul says,
I have sinned, but then immediately asks Samuel to return with him to the
capitol city and stand beside him in public worship. When Samuel turns
to leave, Saul grabs Samuel’s robe and it tears. Then Samuel says that
the tearing of his robe is an illustration that God is going to tear the
kingdom away from Saul. Saul again says, "I have sinned," but quickly adds,
"but please honor me now before the elders and the people of Israel..."
He was more concerned with appearances and keeping the respect of the people
than with his sin. 1Sam 15:13-30.
The Tough Man
‘Shallow but stable’ describes this man. This is the
"strong silent type". He rarely talks about personal struggles and tends
to quickly "resolve" whatever relational tensions he can't avoid or dismiss.
He focuses his energy on things he is good at and is unwilling, even for
a moment, to entertain involving himself in something he is not good at—i.e.
relationships. He wants to stay where he is comfortable.
Being tough doesn’t necessarily mean being mean or
cruel. He doesn’t have to be abusive. He can be cordial all the time -
and often is. He is nice, above reproach, just emotionally uninvolved.
He has lots of acquaintances, but no close friends.
He just doesn't let himself feel anything. The needy
man feels the pain, and is preoccupied with it. The tough man ignores it.
The Godly Man
The godly man is sensitive, but it does not lead to
self-preoccupation or complacency. He is hurt by broken relationships,
but instead of demanding others to come through for him or running away,
he uses the hurt to more sharply define and motivate him to move toward
other relationships. He is willing to sacrifice his pleasure so that he
can help others. He does not attempt to control others, but encourages
them in their struggles with their loneliness and selfishness and pain.
He’s been there through the struggles and has made it through to the other
side—to God. He wants to help them find God too. A godly man isn’t made
over night. It takes time to grow into such a man. It is no wonder that
our leadership in the Church is to be by mature, godly men.
So, there are three styles of men - You can be a
needy man, always pulling on others to meet your needs. Or you can be the
tough man and ignore you feelings and the feelings of others and focus
your energy on things you are good at. Or you can be a godly man and feel
your pain and the pain of others, but use it to grow personally, and then
use your growth to help others.
What is Necessary to Change Man’s Natural Tendency
Is To Be Silent?
Man should be Godly. Being godly means being like God,
so we needed to look at what God is like. In Gen. 1:2 we saw that God moved
into darkness and chaos and created life and order by speaking. Since man
is created in God’s image then man needs to be like God in his actions.
Men need to move into darkness and chaos and create order and life. We
do that by speaking and acting - by getting emotionally involved.
But man’s natural tendency is to avoid conflict.
Our natural tendency is to avoid messy situations. We saw five examples
from Genesis of men who were silent, who avoided messy situations—Adam,
Abraham, Lot, Isaac, and Rueben. In all of our examples, the men were presented
by a situation that was chaotic or messy. Actually it was just real life.
But they didn’t do anything. In every example, the result was more chaos
and broken relationships.
When God spoke, He made order out of chaos. When
man fails to act in God’s image, and speak, the result is more chaos. And
it is very important to recognize that it brings the severing of relationships.
What Speaking Is Not
By now you’ve figured out that being silent is not good.
Running away from relationships is not good. You’ve also probably made
the corollary conclusion that this means we need to speak up.
As is usually the case, when we learn what we shouldn’t
be doing, we jump up and decide that we are going to fix the problem. But,
we usually go to the opposite extreme. So, we need to understand what to
watch out for. We need to understand what speaking is not.
Speaking is not just meaningless talking.
You can talk a lot and never touch real issues. Maybe
you talk about sports or about the weather all the time and never have
any meaningful conversations. When we do this, we are still being silent
about the important things, even though our mouths are wide open. Paul
says in 1Cor 13:1 that when we speak without love, then we are a noisy
gong and a clanging cymbal. Eph. 4:15f is also related where Paul talks
about speaking the truth in love.
Speaking is not just talking.
I say it again, because this time, I want to point out
that for the purpose of our study, speaking involves actions, too. It involves
both words and deeds. If you just say you are going to do something and
never do it, then that is worthless. James talks about that in James 2.
Speaking means getting involved. And I think I should stress that it means
getting emotionally involved. When someone sees you excited about doing
what is right, they want to get on the bandwagon too.
Speaking is not domination
Speaking is not controlling a situation through shouting
the loudest or shaming the other person into submission or obedience. That
just turns a person inward and away from God. You will either deaden others
into conformity or incite them to self-preserving rebellion. You can see
this in your children. If this is how you relate, one child might be complacent
and compliant and the other one always in trouble at school.
What I want to make clear is that I am not saying
that men should start dominating every situation and relationship around
them. I’m not saying that we need to be dogmatic and just tell our wives
to shut up when they disagree with us. When you do that, you are not being
a strong man. You are really just trying to take control (through your
flesh) and force order on the situation and get others to back off so you
don’t have to deal with the issue. You are hiding again as Adam did in
the Garden.
All of these things are examples of what speaking
is not. So what is speaking?
Speaking is saying or doing whatever is necessary
to move myself toward another person and moving that other person and myself
toward trusting God in the midst of chaos.
What Silence Looks Like: Some Modern Examples:
Example 1
When you are in the middle of a conversation with someone
and the topic turns towards something that you could easily use to ask
the person about his or her personal beliefs, what do you do? Do you speak?
Do you ask them? Or do you ignore the prompting of the Holy Spirit because
you fear their response might be to reject you? What you need to do is
go ahead and ask them the question and trust God for the results. You need
to move into the darkness and speak. But too often, we are afraid and we
are silent.
Example 2
A husband and wife have different opinions about something.
What does that mean? It that means is they each have different opinions.
It doesn’t mean one is wrong and one is right. If a man is married to a
woman who has strong opinions and convictions, then she may come across
with the attitude that the husband is wrong whenever his opinion differs
from hers. If the husband lives in an atmosphere where his opinion doesn’t
matter, then he will feel that his opinion is wrong when it differs from
his wife’s. If he follows his natural inclination to be silent, then he
will just shut up and let his wife’s opinion dictate family policies. That
is not leadership. I’m not saying that the husband needs to always go with
his opinion because he’s the leader. I’m saying he need to evaluate both
honestly and openly and then go with what he thinks is the best one for
his family.
But what will happen if the husband stands up to
his wife and says, "Honey, I don’t think we should do that. I think we
should do this instead." She might follow his lead. She might also argue
with him or get mad, or act hurt and avoid him. What if his decision turns
out to be a bad one? Then she might say, "I told you so." Even if she doesn’t
say it, she will certainly think it.
That is real life and it is chaos. That might describe
why Lot went along with his wife’s wishes to live in Sodom and Gomorrah.
Example 3
What do you say or do when confronted with a Christian
Brother who wants to introduce a policy that you know may be harmful to
the Church. It is a policy that although may not be unscriptural, but can
easily cause spiritual chaos if not properly held in check. That member
may be full of good intentions, but do you go along with him? If this policy
has the potential of leading faithful members away from the truth, then
we must proceed cautiously. To cause a single soul to divert from the teachings
of the Bible, the teachings we hold so precious, we must have the courage
and the backbone to say NO.
Some may say that by saying no, we may cause division
within the Church. Truly this must be handled carefully. The reasons for
saying no must be clearly communicated and not expressed in a domineering
manner. The best solution is to get the member to see for himself the potential
harm. No one wants to create chaos, but left when on its own, chaos will
result.
That is the nature of chaos. Those kinds of situations
make many men freeze up, remain silent, and run away to something they
are good at, or they lash out in anger and try to force others to get with
their program.
The Solution
I can’t give you any steps to follow. You just have
to understand your tendencies and recognize when you are slipping into
that mode and then turn to God and move forward. The solution is first
to trust God, then try to be godly, and not accept the chaos.
There is often truth contained in self-help books
and organizations. But we put the cart before the horse. These books are
actually contain a description of what a good relationship should look
like more than they are a means of getting there.
It is the godly, manly man who, in the face of
chaotic situations says, "I don’t know what to do God, but I think this
is best for my family and I’m going to do it and trust you for the results.
The Woman’s Responsibility
Understand this struggle exists in men and in you.
Understand the natural tendency to want to step in and
take over (Gen. 3:16).
Don’t try it, it will seem to work for a little while,
but in the end, chaos will rule. (The message of Judges).
Trust God and wait.
That is the opposite of man’s responsibility, which
is Trust God, and speak (act).
Your responsibility is to trust God and be silent.
But this is the subject of another day.
